Thursday, September 19, 2013

Soul Survivor and loss

While on vacation last month, I read Soul Survivor, by Shawn Doyle, a true story about Joe Townsend. The book is about a horrific plane crash were Joe is the pilot and his wife and children are the passengers. Joe is the "soul survivor" and you travel through his life, to find out what helped him draw near to God and overcome such loss.

Of course, I cried the whole time reading it, but it was a real eye opener for me. Nothing seems to matter, as long as your following the Lord and your family is safe. I would rather have no worldly possessions , than to have lost any part of my family. Anytime someone around has had a loss, we always count our blessings. But, still wonder why them and not us. We have suffered loss on a smaller scale. The book reminded me of that time in our life.....

In 2003, we suffered two miscarriages. In 2004, we lost GusGus's twin. In 2005, we lost another baby. And in 2006, we lost Mary's twin. During the miscarriages in 2003, I hit a very low point. I couldn't figure out what was going on. What I had done wrong. Who was to blame. I was very thankful for my children, I had at the time, and delighted in them. But, Buck and I longed for another baby. Buck helped me cope, but he was grieving, too. After the second loss that year, I remember my mother coming over and taking me to get a haircut. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that was all I needed to snap back into reality. Just her coming and doing something selfless for me. (My mother has always been a generous and thoughtful person) And it got me out of the house, which I had burrowed into. From then on, I trusted that God would heal my womb (if need be). I'm not saying I have never waived in that faith, but if I do, I get back on track and into the word. I have shared my losses with many women and it has encouraged them. At the time, I had no idea God would use my losses to comfort someone else. God is so good. My mother has had victory, over a tragedy in her life and to see how strong and positive she gave me hope.

In 1980, my grandparents and uncle were traveling north from Texas to South Dakota, when an 18 wheeler crossed the median, leaving my mother's parents and brother dead. I thank the Lord often, that my mother didn't fall into an unrecoverable depression. I also think about my close relationship to my mother and just tremble thinking about losing her. I don't know how any of the family went on after this tragedy (my mother has 2 living sisters). The only explanation is God was with them and gave them a supernatural comfort.  They say "time heals all wounds"......but the scar varies in sizes.

God is so good, even with all the loss, in this fallen world. If we could talk to our lost loved ones, they would say,  "don't cry for us, we are living in paradise!" They are without sarrow and loss. I picture my little ones in heaven being cared for by their heavenly father. They have belonged to him all along.....We all do.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

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